Freud Says: Nicolas Cage Has Sheen Syndrome
Failed actor Nicolas Cage, whose painful action films get churned out every so often to the satisfaction of masochists everywhere, has been arrested for domestic violence.
I believe Nicolas Cage’s violent outburst was the direct result of inebriation and a phenomenon I like to call “Sheen Syndrome,” whereby frustrated actors and artists are driven to their breaking point, and thus attempt to imitate Charlie Sheen. Sheen has been getting a ton of coverage, and it makes sense that peers would be envious, especially considering the casual and nonchalant attitude that Sheen has been able to maintain throughout his scandals.
Nicolas Cage, unfortunately, took things way too far by acting violent against his wife, Alice Kim. Could this be a direct result of Cage’s frustration, apropos being in a monogamous relationship? Once again, Charlie Sheen’s potential influence is seen. Sheen’s polyamorous situation is like a carrot dangling in front of a proverbial ass (the ass being Cage). Cage is unable to convince Alice to tack on another goddess, and so he fuh-reaks out.
It all makes a lot of sense when you think about it. The best cure for any actor suffering from Sheen Syndrome would probably be to take a step back and remember that Charlie Sheen is absolutely nuts, in the throes of mania, and due for a major meltdown sometime soon.
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